i am decided.

its all about life again,
nothing to fear because there is nothing left.

i am trying as hard as i can.
but it just dont work.

so i am letting it off..
closed for now and until times let it open.

i am tired of crying and i am tired of trying.
guess i am better off alone.,
taking the path that i am supposed to take,.

i am staying strong, and praying.
it is the best i can do from making things worst.

pagi tadi..

whats wrong with nowadays people?
i wonder..
sesuka hati je nak sound-sound orang lah..
oke diz morning ade kelas handball., and everybody is sweating so heavilly.
end of the class we all go to sports complex at sec 15 untuk mandi.

later on when we fininsh ouh ade lah this group of uncle yang supposed duduk situ playing badminton lah..
boleh lah pulak die cakap yang kami-kami ni pergi bertapa kat dalam washroom ni.
aduh!!!
and even worst, ade ke dia kate we all tade duit nak bayar bill air.
oh!!!
that is so melampau.

ish dalah tua..
dulu-dulu kan parents uncle takde ajar maners ae?
aduh kesian nye,..
jom ikut kami pergi kolej..belajar sivik.
nanti kami mintak direktor buat kelas khas untuk uncle-uncle.

okey enough of the marah things..
now move on to evening..
ryte after kelas..

we all..
me,nuzul,sheri,ana and lily.
pergi makan..kat old town..
ouh gila best makan..macam-macam.
then before that dah la aku makan choclate ball.
then beli lagi mango mousse cake,.
huu..
heaven makan..

now i know

kini aku tahu bahawa;
cinta tak semestinya memiliki,
menyangi sekali maka selamanya sayang,
memiliki berbeza dengan menyangi,
tidak semestinya memiliki itu harus menyangi tetapi
menyangi akan tetap begitu selamanya.

hati yang kecewa kerana orang terasayang pasti lukaanya dalam.
kadang-kadang, orang yang kita sayang itulah orang yang paling kita susah sayang,
dan lagi payah untuk menafikan bahawa kita menyangi orang yang kita susah sayang itu.

hidup ini penuh dengan liku,
sekali terluka bukan selamanya kecewa.
maka melepaskan sesuatu yang bukan milik kita,
memang payah dan sememangnya perit.
tapi mugkin itu adalah yang terbaik.

mengalah bukan bererti kalah tetapi.
ia sebagai bukti menunjukkan
bahawa kekuatan kita untuk menolak sesuatu yang tidak harus kita miliki.

berjuang menolak kemahuan sendiri.
memang bodoh
tapi
ianya untuk kepenting orang lain.
dan juga untuk kebahagiaan lebih ramai insan yang tidak seharusnya terlibat
dalam kekusutan soal hati ini.

puas aku bertanya,
kenapa? kanapa? dan kenapa?
akhirnya kini
aku mulai mengerti..
bahawa menyangi tidak harus memilki.

aku cuba..
untuk mengerti, dan kini aku fahami.

p\s; terima kasih cinta

for the heart that being hurt..

never thought that i`ll be in love like this,
i never thought i fall for you as hard as i can.
you stole my heart away and keep giving me promises.
just for me to know that those promises will be broken.

hearts been crushed to pieces.
cant be glued or mend, because it just wont happen.
hope is the last thing that i am letting it off.

many people get involve and things get complicated more then ever.
you, me, her, them and him.
it will be too confusing for me to understand, but this is it.

im letting go of something that i some how do cherish the most.
its you.
you came to my life even for a while and you did touch my heart.
i then realize that life means a lot and i do have a long way to go.
those words that came from you i do hope its true,
and i have my own reasons on why i didn't express my feelings
cuz i know that i just wont happen.

i just have to keep it on my own on what i do feel, let it be me and just me who knows.
its my life after all.
let it be like what it supposed to be.

and there the memories will remain.